Dynamite Friends, Dynamite Food, Dynamite Shrimp!

Well first of all I’d like to start off thanking everyone who has started reading my blog and the great responses you all have left me.  I really appreciate your support and it’s very inspiring.  So thank you!

Also, I realized I was confusing with multiple M’s in the last entry.  I will now characterize with “Fiance M” and “College Best Friend M” and try to keep my characters straight more!

So it’s been a few days since my last entry and I’ve been pretty busy working on my new business, Goodman’s Sweet Shop.  I’m combining my passion and love for baking into a home delivery business and I’ve had a great time doing so.  This Thursday I will be selling some of my products at a bazaar or exhibition at Fiance M’s work, the Australian College of Kuwait.  I hope to not only make some money but distribute brochures to get more delivery orders!

So let’s see what else has been going on.  I started the weekend (Thursday) with the usual social activities here (nonalcoholic unfortunately).  Fiance M was playing football (soccer) so I went out with my best friend here Kuwait Best Friend H or KBF H J.  I have no idea what I would do without her.  She is my sense of reality in a culture where I cannot find normal young women to hang out with.  REALLY.  This was a huge struggle when I started here in Kuwait over a year ago now but I have met a few girls (ok like two) that I really could hang out with.  One (unfortunately for me, very fortunately for her) moved to Paris in August so that was hard losing her.  However, I still have my KBF H who again just lets me have girl time.  And she is equally sassy as I am so I appreciate her company immensely.

Anyway, KBF H and I were having coffee/frozen lemonade at Marina mall which is an outdoor plaza on the marina.  It’s a great place to sit and have coffee and people watch (which is especially entertaining here in Kuwait).  The only obnoxious thing about going to have coffee with my KBF H is as two young women alone we are constantly being harassed by obnoxious young ugly Kuwaiti boys.  I mean it’s the same in Mexico or Italy I guess based on my experiences but I have never seen boys (and I say boys because they are so immature I refuse to call them men) act so rude towards women.  I will be sitting and talking and wearing fairly conservative clothing (long sleeves, long pants, no low cut shirts) and these boys will approach our table and ask us various things to try to get our attention.  One actually asked me to read his phone which I did by mistake because I wasn’t paying attention where I then discovered he had written a text message like “Pull your shirt downe bc ppl are stairing. Now give me your number plz J”.  REALLY.  Ok so one centimeter of my lower back was showing (not even ass crack) as I was wearing an undershirt and OMG these Kuwaiti guys are getting excited over it.  Incidences like this happen any time I am out alone with just girls.  I know these boys would never do anything because they are extremely harmless and naïve.  I remember when I first got here I had a group of like 7 guys following me in the mall as I was walking alone and I turned around and flipped them off and gave them my “F off” stare and they literally ran away because they are not used to fierce girls like moi.  Overall, this behavior really doesn’t bother me because I couldn’t care less but I just figured I’d write about it to reflect what life is like here for me.  It does reflect though my inability to go to the mall by myself or go running by myself or whatever not because of crime but just because these stupid boys here literally have a hay day whenever they see a normal girl.

This ridiculous behavior I blame on the current segregation within Kuwaiti culture.  Apparently when my friends were growing up here there was no segregation.  Ooops let me first define segregation as men and women cannot intermingle here.  Yes…it is hunter and gatherer era here.  Classes in many schools are now segregated, many times men and women cannot watch the opposite sex play sporting events, public institutions like hospitals have separate waiting rooms, freaking BATHROOMS in malls or anywhere are located in opposite areas (which is a major PITA because whenever Fiance M and I have to pee we have to go on a massive goose hunt to find the correct bathroom), and even movie theatres have “family” and “bachelor” sections. Mamamool (REALLY?!?!?! In Arabic haha).  So yes, when god forbid young men and women do interact with each other it reminds me of Cotillion in Middle School when we were SO afraid to dance with each other and what to say to each other, etc.  Except these people are 20-30 years old and still have this problem.

This brings me to not only nag on the immature guys, but the girls here.  I mean jesus cristo, these girls need to grow some cojones. Like really.  KBF H and I summed this up perfectly while watching Arabic music videos.  There are two types of Arabic music videos:

1. Love songs (95% of the songs) - Where the woman is portrayed as a damsel in distress and needs her HABIBI (mentioned at least 1,000 times in every Arabic song) to save her/hold her purse for her/carry her groceries for her/drive her around/wipe her ass for her (hahah jk about the last one but you get the point).

2. Dance songs for clubs – Where the woman looks like a complete whore (but this is the general “attractive” look for women here…horrendous plastic surgery of lips, cheeks, nose of course, and boobs) and is pole dancing minus the pole which they happen to call Middle Eastern belly dancing here.  I’m supposed to accept this as normal behavior and participate in this activity because I’m told it’s “cultural.” In the beginning Fiance M’s family was always trying to get me to dance like this.  Unfortunately, gyrating my hips like a pole dancer in front of Fiance M’s family without any alcoholic beverages is just not happening…EVER. I’ve just always been raised to NOT act like a stripper….hahaha oh well…you get my point.

Ok but back to my point about women here.  I know this is not every woman but again I am stereotyping.  The Lebanese women I went to University with in Switzerland and my Lebanese friends here do not fit in this category at all.  However, I’ve noticed living in Kuwait that many Kuwaiti young women my age just play this damsel in distress role.  Yes, there are some strong women with careers, independence, etc.  Obviously there will be helpless girls who choose to be helpless all over the world, including America and Europe!  I’m just saying, I’ve noticed an unusually large population here.  Girls do not like to do things for themselves.  For example, Devil Puppy chewed our furniture so naturally, I go to Ace Hardware, buy some wood putty and wood stain and fix it.  What a novel idea!  This is a rarity.

1. I didn’t hire an Indian or other hired help to do this for me.

2. I, as a female, dare mess up my manicure to fix/hold/do/carry something.

3. I, as a female entered a hardware store, knew what products to buy, bought them, and fixed them on my own.

I just get annoyed when these girls don’t pull their own weight. I get annoyed with girls like this everywhere and mainly because then I am treated like one of these (what I think to be extremely stupid and ridiculous) girls. I recently heard of girl here who just got married to a family friend in May. Apparently her husband got her a really well paying job at a bank here and as soon as she landed the position she immediately demanded that any money she does earn is hers and hers only.  Therefore, her husband still is supposed to support her (pay rent, buy groceries, spending money, etc.) but any money she makes is just for her to shop. Wow, a girl’s gotta dream right? Fiance M and I were extremely disturbed by this news as was her husband.  He is Lebanese after all and like I said, most Lebanese girls do not play by these different Gulf culture female standards.  I just was bewildered by her request.  While it would be great to have all of my costs paid for and all money I made was just for my own unnecessary purchases, I could NEVER do that to my fiancé or husband.  What kind of partnership is that?  But here, that would be a completely normal request by a girl.

Ok.  I admit it is nice to have some of these benefits and not have to carry my groceries to the car or anything (I do still carry them to the car because I refuse to submit to this madness).  Chivalry has its benefits but I just get really frustrated when I see girls acting helpless or useless because this lifestyle just makes them depend on others.  Get a life…and a hobby…and a few technical skills!  Jeez!

Ok so to calm down a bit and stop ranting, recently I’ve spent a lot of time with Fiance M’s family. On Saturday we went to McDonald’s at the beach for lunch.  As an American it’s funny right?  Going to McDonald’s as a family outing on the weekend?  I guess it was nostalgic for Fiance M’s family because they used to go to this McDonald’s (which by the way is a HUGE McDonald’s on beachfront property) on the weekends when they were all younger.  So it was nice to be part of the nostalgia and family with the family’s new additions: me, A (Fiance M’s nephew-10 months), S (Fiance M’s brother-in-law), and H (family friend).

Last night I finally got to see my friends again!  It’s been weeks since all of us have hung out because of conflicting schedules, traveling, etc. We’re a group of girls and guys 22-26 (and the occasionally 35 ;) ) and we always go out to eat, go to the movies, or usually hang out at one our houses.  Finally though, Very Cool DJ N (He happens to be a DJ and he specifically requested to be called something cool because he is such a cool guy, so Very Cool is about as good as it’ll get) or VCDJ N (Thanks…that’s going to be fun to keep writing) got all of us together last night for some delicious food at PF Chang’s. Highlights of the meal were the amazing Dynamite Shrimp and when VCDJ N accidently ate a spicy red pepper that came with the Kung Pao chicken where he then almost died.  Anyway, it was just a really good time with really good friends and I had really missed all of them!

Ok well that was a long entry and I promise to write more frequently especially after this crazy week ends! 

Sending love and peace from the Middle East 

Live From Kuwait!

Well Good Evening (Kuwait)/Afternoon (America) to all of my beloved followers,

I thank thee for joining me on my quest for honesty.  Here in this land of P.C. and religious laws (achem, not exactly my fit), I've been subdued just a tad.  While my lovely fiance and my patient friends have listened to my ferocious ranting for the past six months now, I figured the rest of you would enjoy a taste of what I get to deal with everyday.  While this blog is not just a rant of the things that really piss me off (many) in Kuwait, this is a great way for me to convey how living in such a foreign land so embedded in the culture really feels.  I hope this blog is both entertaining and educational for all of my readers.

As I set off to start this blog, I consulted with my best friend and King of Sass, M.  We were trying to decide on a screen name for this blog.  I wanted to incorporate my surroundings (dust, desert, douchebags) into this screen name.  M obviously first thought of SandyTaco.  While this accomplishes the task, I thought it a bit vulgar, which is more M's trademark than mine :)  Needless to say, I could never call myself that so then SandySass came about.  While this may not be interesting to anyone, it gave me a giggle, so I'll always pass that on to you.

So about my life here.  As many of you know, I am waiting for my fiance's fiance visa to the U.S. to finish processing.  On July 28, 2010 we had our interview and passed with flying colors.  The Embassy dude told us "Congratulations!" and it would take about three more weeks of processing before we would return M's passport where it would then be stamped and we could fly back to America.  Sounds great!  I had a short trip to Lebanon to enjoy the Mediterranean beaches in the summer and we'd be home by the end of August and our two-year anniversary.  Wishful freaking thinking.

Well, it is now December 14, 2010 and I am still in Kuwait.  My persistence and impatience, my lawyer's authority, numerous "inside" sources here, and a Colorado Senator have still led us nowhere.  Every update we receive is "Further processing is required."  I feel like getting a tattoo of this.  Gee freaking thanks Embassy!  Hilary, give up on Israel and freaking Palestine and help us out!  It's an equally challenging job.  There is no problem with the visa, in fact all the paperwork and everything is great, we just have to wait for some higher power to decide who knows what.  So there.  There is my visa update.  If anyone asks me again what's going on, refer to this paragraph because if I have not returned to America, this is still the status.  When anything progresses, I will immediately be back in America.  DONEZO.

Ok.  So this process has obviously been the most frustrating, tedious, and horrific months of my life.  Sounds dramatic?  Those words are actually an understatement to how my daily life is.  Yes, I know I'm putting my career on hold.  That thought only goes through my mind approximately once every thirty seconds.  The other twenty-nine seconds involve me figuring out when to throw in the towel (if I indeed throw in the towel), when to chill out and meditate, and when to just be thankful for what I have (an incredible fiance who has been so patient with me through this whole process, a loving family here who has done everything possible to support me, an amazing family in America who hasn't excommunicated me out of frustration yet, my unbelievable friends both here and in America who continue to make me laugh and take deep breaths, the ability to take unlimited naps and sleep in, and devil puppy) among other things.  Needless to say, I am constantly thinking and reevaluating my life from a thousand different angles and so far I have no regrets.  I am doing the best I can with the limited information I have and this is all I can do.  But if someone has Hilary's or Barack's number on speed dial...hit me up.  SERIOUSLY.

So I'm not really going to go into a recap on the past six months of my life here.  There have been MANY trying moments and many new experiences. I can happily say though that I have really full developed my sense of self and will not let ANYONE walk over me...no matter the "cultural" excuse BS I get.  While this may sound like an easy thing to achieve, doing this in such a different culture where you do not speak the language and you are just trying to fit in/be polite is outrageously difficult. However, I have now established what I like, when I like, and especially important in Arab-land "No I will not do/eat/sing/dance that right now.''

It's been very interesting.  This experience has been invaluable because I not only have grown so much closer to my fiance, but I as a person has grown so much.  I am so much more outgoing and really do not get social anxiety like I used to (especially in career situations).  This development alone makes me feel like these months were not wasted.  Most importantly though, I have learned to deal with high stress situations and communicate about extremely difficult topics (his family, finances, etc.) with M.  I'm not saying the next years of our lives will be easier than our lives now, but I just realize how well we really do deal with problems and how we support each other through thick and thin. I think this is a very important relationship success point.

Ok, so now M and I live in our own apartment in Mangaf, a suburb of Kuwait City (well all of Kuwait is very urban and only 90% of Kuwait is populated so it's like a massive urban sprawl).  Anyway, Mangaf is an area with a large population of Americans and other expatriates.  The other population is like ghetto Kuwaitis who we call ageydee (I have no idea how to spell that but it's an insult).  These ageydee are usually poor and religious.  Isn't that funny how that combination works out.  Anyway, these are where a high majority of what I like to call women ninjas (wearing niqab or the full face covering where only their eyes show) or men Taliban (long disgusting beards and dishdasha or male dresses). While I don't hang out with any Americans (most of them here are achem trashy...the non-military are the ones that can't get jobs in America), it's nice to go to the grocery store and get normal food which is stocked in this area of Kuwait based on need.  We've been living in this apartment for two months and it's been great.  This was a development when Simba's excrement hit the fan (sorry about Simba but this is one of my primary daily activities thanks to his overactive bowels it seems) and I decided I could not live with 9 people in a three bedroom apartment especially when everyone is family and just don't have the same concept of boundaries like I do.  There was a LOT of drama and silly things to discuss but let's try to stay positive shall we?  Simba, M, and I are much happier having our own space where we can sleep when we want, I can sit on clean toilet seats (love living with careless men), and I can babysit when I choose (instead of being thrown a toddler that while extremely cute and loves me, is not so cute at 3:30 in the morning or whenever mommy doesn't know how to multitask...aka all the time).  Ok I thought I was going to stay positive?  Sorry, I just noticed Simba left me another present on the rug as I'm writing this.  Thanks Devil Puppy. Thanks.

M is currently playing a soccer game with friends and I chose to stay home and play with the delinquent and start my new blog.  I made shredded beef tacos today and R, M's little brother came over and ate lunch with us.  He is applying for an exchange program in America for next year (his junior year of high school) and I was helping him with his application.  He's so excited and it's so cute to see him excited about something like that.  His mom also got very excited when he mentioned his interest in going to America.  I don't know if this program will work out but tomorrow I'll do some research about some other exchange programs he could look into.  It would be a great opportunity for him.

OOOOOOO the most exciting news.  How could I forget.  After six months of financial extreme conservatism (seriously, I've only bought myself a sweater dress and a coat because it's now winter and freezing) M and his family surprised me with a new LV bag!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Talk about amazing.  I've wanted this bag for a year now and mentioned it to M in passing and he remembered and his family surprised me with it yesterday as a Christmas present.  Here they get a little too excited when they buy presents and like to present them when they get them so I guess I won't have anything to open on Christmas day but it's ok, I'll survive :) I really am looking forward to my belated Christmas celebration with my family when we return home to America.  It's going to be so hard to miss the holidays.  But again, what can I do?  Curse the freaking Department of State.

Ok well I think that is a pretty thorough first post and I hope you look forward to more activity from my end.  I will update you on Ninjas (women in niqab) and Taliban (men with beards in dishdasha).  While unfortunately I can't take pictures of these lovely folk, I can share great stories of interactions with them :).

With love and peace from the Middle East :)